Red Flags

When Bossman first told me he hadn’t had sex in two years I couldn’t believe it. How can someone just not have sex for two years? What happens to you during that time? Do you start watching porn a lot more?Masterbate every chance you get? Think about sex everytime you see an attractive person? 

Then he told me his wife doesn’t touch him. At all. “What do you mean?” I asked. “I mean there is not kissing or hugging or cuddling. We peck goodbye on our way out the door every morning but that’s as far as it goes.” 

I thought about this for a few minutes, imagining my life in a sexless marriage. I contemplated what it would be like to never have my husband want me enough to touch me. All I could feel was sadness for Bossman. 

I asked why the fuck he was still married. He told me he had two beautiful sons who were 7 & 9 that he couldn’t bare to hurt with a divorce. He also told me that even though he wasn’t receiving any kind of affection from his wife, he still loved her and found her very attractive.

Why wouldn’t he? She was beautiful. She was a doctor with her own practice and appeared on the news as the “go-to-know-it-all-doctor.” They had two beautiful children together and he had dedicated the past 20 years of his life to her. 

He told me he’d been in and out of marriage councelling with her for five years. He told me he’d done everything: Vacations to exotic places, flowers every day, romantic candlelight dinners for the two of them THAT HE COOKED, gifts, etc, etc. He’d tried everything to get some kind of affection out of her, even long conversations about how he has needs too, but still no response.  Everything he was saying was giving me a headache. This woman obviously doesn’t know what she has in front of her. 

Then, Bossman told me that they didn’t even have sex on their wedding night. I immediately stopped feeling sorry for him and wanted to throw the giant red flag that was waving around in my head in his face. “How did you not see that as foreshadowing!?” 

“Love is blind, I suppose. I guess I keep hoping things will magically change one day.” 

Maybe it was the wine, the candlelight dinner, or the feeling of pity I felt for him, whatever it was, it made me sleep with him that night. I never thought in a million years I’d be writing about how in love I am with a married man. How did I get here?