calling his bluff

I guess I should mention that I have broken things off with Bossman. It's been a week now. I told him I loved him but I could no longer be a band-aid for his marriage. I'm not wired to be second in a relationship, I'm WAY too selfish. I told him he needed to figure out what he wanted. Is this the way he wants to spend the rest of his life? He agreed with me and we decided to take a break so he could figure things out. 

I told him I'd wait for him until January. If I'm not kissing him at midnight on New Year's Eve, I'm moving on. New year, new me. 

I guess I should also mention that I haven't always been in love with Bossman. In fact the first six months of our relationship, I was seeing someone else. He was the office manager in my apartment complex. I knew I never wanted to fall in love with Bossman, so as a way of protecting myself, I decided to give my heart to someone else. Worst. Mistake. Ever. The guy I was seeing turned out to be a jerk and left me in shambles. Bossman was there to pick up the pieces. 

Through our entire relationship I've tried to help his marriage. I know that sounds absolutely insane but it's very true. As much as I wanted Bossman to be mine, I wanted even more for him to be happy. 

I'm not an idiot. 

I knew the one thing that would make him happy is to have his family and his wife be an actual wife. I suggested books and Oprah shows about relationships. I told him to stop treating his wife like a goddammed princess and make her work for his affection again. I told him to redecorate their bedroom (yes, I've been to their house) because it looked so dull and gloomy and not a place for romance and passion. I told him to start making himself a challenge again. Just like men, us women never tire of the pursuit. I wanted desperately for her to open her eyes. I think part of me only wanted this to happen so that karma would be kind to me when I decided to wed. 

Still, nothing. After going over things in my head, I realized I didn't want this anymore. It was obvious he was never going to leave his wife. I'm only hurting myself and losing my own self-respect. So I called his bluff. We've eliminated seeing each other and only communicate through occasional texts and emails. He tells me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I tell him I'm not holding my breath.